[–] [deleted] 0 points 30 points (+30|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Literally!

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[–] iDontShift 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

yes.

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[–] o0shad0o 0 points 25 points (+25|-0) ago 

Just so's you know, all MREs come with chewing gum with xylitol, it acts as a laxative and helps prevent tooth decay.

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[–] DeliciousOnions 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago  (edited ago)

So THAT'S why there were always those two little fucking chiclets in there!

That and the tiny little bottle of Tobasco was always a mystery to me.

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

Tabasco is there because Tabasco is awesome. And it tastes like FREEDOM!

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[–] kevdude 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Drink coffee.

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[–] LetsSlotFloppies 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

My friend tells a good story.
A vegetarian private goes to his NCO and asks what he is supposed to eat. "Your MRE" the NCO replies. The private explains that he is a vegetarian and cannot eat the MRE. The NCO thinks for a while before replying. "Just put the Tabasco on it."

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[–] Shishamo 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

All sugar alcohol makes my ass explode for hours. I'm horrified of that stuff.

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[–] o0shad0o 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Not Splenda, it's the same stuff as in Trident, but apparently in a bit higher concentration.

The constipation was actually a design feature of MREs; if you're in the field against an enemy, slogging through filthy conditions, better to be stopped up than to shit your britches. You could take or not take the gum as desired.

Now, the military salt tablets that soldiers were required to take... I hypothesize MREs are also deliberately low in potassium, and those salt tablets had a dose of potassium chloride in them. Tends to debilitate people who eat MREs and don't take those tablets.

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[–] everlastingphelps 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Also, I think that they changed this, but at one time the chocolate drink was a laxative.

The idea was that the MRE jams you up, when you've got 20 minutes and a place to dig a hole, you drink the chocolate drink and then shit yourself inside out.

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[–] Neon_Scrotum 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago 

You were lucky, compared to me. I was on morphine for the pain caused by oral cancer & its excruciating treatment regimen. The morphine caused some truly world-class constipation, so bad I had to go to the hospital's Emergency clinic three times. Each time, no matter what they did, nothing happened and the apparent concrete block in my guts refused to exit. Finally a doctor (poor bastard!) had to put on hazmat type gloves and actually reach up my ass and yank chunks of tungsten/titanium/cement out of my suffering asshole. Even on morphine, the pain of this was beyond belief. Even the pain of chemotherapy-induced vomit surging over radiation-inflamed throat tissue (think hot acid on newly burned skin) was not as bad. So, as I said, you were lucky; it could've been a LOT worse.

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[–] TheBuddha 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Opiate poops! Can confirm!

It's like shitting out a concrete pine cone, backwards.

Hmm... Maybe that guy's new poop stories sub needs an entry or ten.

It really can be like cement, like you said. It's nearly cured cement and, without going into too many details, it is sticky as fuck. It's like your body has worked overtime to draw every last bit of moisture out of it that it can.

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[–] BordelonLoop 1 points 6 points (+7|-1) ago 

try MoM next time. while in the army, i got massively constipated. it got so bad they were gonna do surgery--impacted something or 'nother going on. i called my mom and she said "guzzle some milk of magnesia." so i did. and boy, that shit worked!!!

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[–] Charlez6 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

Just casually giving advice for "next time" he gets cancer...

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I love your mom!

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[–] Neon_Scrotum 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Is that a pun? :)

[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Neon_Scrotum 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I hadn't smoked in over forty years, so no, I really doubt that smoking was the cause. The oncologist said that a lot of the time, oral cancer "just happens" for no known reason. In my case, it was cancer of the tongue. At this point in time, I'm cancer-free. On the other hand, due to the radiation treatments, my throat has closed up to the point where I can't eat solid food. Also, my taste buds were nonfunctional for a long time, and are still not fullly recovered and never will be. Still beats the hell out of dying though.

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Sucking cancer dicks?

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[–] paybythepound 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Ahh a fellow victim of morphine shits. Glad to see you made it through the big C. I was lucky. I was only in for a car wreck that fucked me up pretty good. One week on a morphine drip was bad enough. Worst constipation of my life.

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[–] Neon_Scrotum 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

It's worse when you get old. When I was young, I had some "extracurricular" experience with a very potent opiate and i didn't have any problems at all. But now that I'm 71, I can get constipated just by seeing Dianne Feinstein's face on the TV.

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[–] VoatCommentAccount 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Hey moron...even a DI will tell ya...you are supposed to drink about 2 qt of water thru the day...so even if ya eat an MRE with about 0% water content...you'd shit ok...if ya skip the 2qt of water ya supposed to be drinking...hell ya after a week..your shit could suffice as a concrete building block

[–] [deleted] 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

[–] [deleted] 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

They didn't want a shitsplosion!

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[–] capnflummox 1 points 9 points (+10|-1) ago 

I don't even care if you're a kike qanon faggot, or if this is a repost. Don't care.

This was funny.

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[–] Mopsink 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Depending on the type of MRE your only supposed to eat one a day as many times they contain 3 separate meals.

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[–] bman0321 1 points 5 points (+6|-1) ago 

Pound cake, coffee and creamer desert. Jalapeño cheese.

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[–] Shishamo 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Just drink olive oil.

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[–] goblin_ghost 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Fuck. Mine has the Necco wafers.

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[–] everlastingphelps 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

If you think they belong inside you, shove them up your ass. Don't let them anywhere near your mouth.

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[–] slwsnowman40 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Cocoa powder (with water, not a lot, you want it to be like a paste similar, but thicker, to Jello pudding) and peanut butter.

The pound cakes are/were awesome.

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[–] everlastingphelps 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

You can order them separately on survival food sites. The new Bridgeport sammiches are pretty good. Also, if you liked the pound cake you might also like Filled French Toast. It's like a cinnamon pound cake filled with a layer of maple jelly.

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[–] lord_nougat 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Well fuck. Now I feel hungry!

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