I got on an aeroplane yesterday. It's not an unusual experience, I'm trying to figure out what country to move to next, so I take a lot of mini-holidays. This flight was "full" so the overhead cabins were FULL by the time I got to my seat. No matter, it's AirFrance, they have plenty of room in a seat for my small person and two backpacks of hand luggage.
I approached my seat (window) to see a creature in the aisle seat, already strapped in with a seatbelt extender (Which I have never before seen in my life!) so I say, in French, "Excuse me, sir, but I need to reach my seat, it's that one." He stared at me like I just shat in my hands and clapped. I tried again in English, "I need to get past you to sit there." He continues to stare at me, but does, at least, begin to shift his enormous heft out of the poor seat. I chuck my bags past, knowing there's nowhere else for them to go, then shove one under the seat in front, tuck one alongside my legs, and strap my seatbelt on. Bit cramped, but not unbearable for the couple of hours I'll be there.
The hog (who I've deduced from his speech to others is German, so will call Bratwurst because he's a sausage and the worst.) is also resettled in his aisle seat. Then, miracle of all miracle occurs! The doors are shutting, cabin crew prepare for take off. The middle seat remains empty. The ONLY empty seat on the plane. I allow myself a brief brief moment of hope that I could move one bag over and have a little leg room, when this GOD DAMN FUCK BRATWURST lifts his arm rest (BEFORE WE EVEN TAXIIED) lets his guts spill out over half the seat, plants his ham hock fist nearly touching me, and then stretches his leg over to my side of the fucking seat. All that space, just gone, in a second.
I spent the flight curled up in my seat (WHICH I FIT IN) with my back to him, Netflixing and drinking the free wine the nice lady brought me. That helped, but 24 hours later I'm still fucking pissed that he couldn't have the human fucking decency to offer to let me put a bag where his fat feet were.
Bonus: I know he could speak English because when the nice lady brought me my wine and a sandwich, he refused his sandwich on the basis that it was vegetarian. It was cucumber with basil and lemon cream cheese and it was fucking delicious. He took the sandwich, read the label, and handed it back to the nice lady, demanding meat. She explained that they don't do options in economy so it's always vegetarian. Bratwurst literally sneered at her. Cunt.