[–] DrunkViking 0 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago 

Is that all you could come up with?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. '

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,

in which you fill in a form by filling it out

and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


[–] Shitgoyzsay 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Thank you for this.


[–] DrunkViking 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

the English language can be.

  1. In the 17th century, magpies were nicknamed pie-maggots.

  2. The part of a wall between two windows is called the interfenestration.

  3. If you were to write out every number name in full (one, two, three, four...), you wouldn’t use a single letter B until you reached one billion.

  4. The part of your back that you can’t quite reach to scratch is called the acnestis. It’s derived from the Greek word for “cheese-grater.”

  5. A hecatompedon is a building measuring precisely 100ft × 100ft.

  6. A growlery is a place you like to retire to when you’re unwell or in a bad mood. It was coined by Charles Dickens in Bleak House (1853).

  7. There was no word for the color orange in English until about 450 years ago.

  8. The infinity sign, ∞, is called a lemniscate. Its name means “decorated with ribbons” in Latin.

  9. A Dutch feast is one at which the host gets drunk before his hosts do.

  10. Schoolmaster is an anagram of “the classroom.”

  11. To explode originally meant “to jeer a performer off the stage.”

  12. Funk was originally a Tudor word for the stale smell of tobacco smoke.

  13. In written English, only one letter in every 510 is a Q.

  14. The opposite of déjà-vu is called jamais-vu: it describes the odd feeling that something very familiar is actually completely new.

  15. A scissor was originally a type of Roman gladiator thought to have been armed either with a pair of swords or blades, or with a single dual-bladed dagger.

  16. To jirble means “to spill a liquid while pouring it because your hands are shaking.”

  17. Samuel Johnson defined a sock as “something put between the foot and the shoe.”

  18. In Victorian slang, muffin-wallopers were old unmarried or widowed women who would meet up to gossip over tea and cakes.

  19. Scarecrows were once known as hobidy-boobies.

  20. The longest English word with its letters in reverse alphabetical order is spoonfeed.

  21. Shakespeare used the word puking in As You Like It.

  22. Flabellation is the use of a fan to cool something down.

  23. Bamboozle derives from a French word, embabouiner, meaning “to make a baboon out of someone.”

  24. A percontation is a question that requires more than a straightforward “yes” or “no” answer.

  25. The shortest -ology is oology, the scientific study of eggs.

  26. As a verb rather than a noun, owl means “to act wisely, despite knowing nothing.”

  27. A shape with 99 sides would be called an enneacontakaienneagon.

  28. In the 18th century, a clank-napper was a thief who specialized in stealing silverware.

  29. Noon is derived from the Latin for “ninth,” novem. It originally referred to the ninth hour of the Roman day — 3pm.

  30. 11% of the entire English language is just the letter E.

  31. Oysterhood means “reclusiveness,” or “an overwhelming desire to stay at home.”

  32. A puckfist is someone who braggingly dominates a conversation.

  33. The bowl formed by cupping your hands together is called a gowpen.

  34. To battologize means “to repeat a word so incessantly in conversation that it loses all meaning and impact.”

  35. A zoilist is an unfair or unnecessarily harsh critic, or someone who particularly enjoys finding fault in things.

  36. In 19th century English, a cover-slut was a long cloak or overcoat worn to hide a person’s untidy or dirty clothes underneath.

  37. Happy is used three times more often in English than sad.

  38. Trinkgeld is money meant only to be spent on drink.

  39. Aquabob is an old name for an icicle.

  40. In the 16th and 17th century, buttock-mail was the name of a tax once levied in Scotland on people who had sex out of wedlock.

  41. Witzelsucht is a rare neurological disorder whose sufferers have an excessive tendency to tell pointless stories or inappropriate jokes and puns.

  42. A repdigit is a number comprised of a series of repeated numbers, like 9,999.

  43. In Tudor English, a gandermooner was a man who flirted with other women while his wife recovered from childbirth.

  44. A cumberground is an utterly useless person who literally serves no other purpose than to take up space.

  45. Sermocination is the proper name for posing a question and then immediately answering it yourself.

  46. The earliest known reference to baseball in English comes from Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey (1798).

  47. Whipper-tooties are pointless misgivings or groundless excuses for not trying to do something.

  48. Anything described as transpontine is located on the opposite side of a bridge.

  49. In the early days of Hollywood, the custard pies thrown in comedy sketches were nicknamed magoos.

  50. Checkbook is the longest horizontally symmetrical word in the English language — although if proper nouns are included, Florida’s Lake Okeechobee is one letter longer.

  51. The earliest record of the phrase “do-it-yourself” comes from a 1910 magazine article about students at Boston University being left to teach themselves.

  52. The paddywhack mentioned in the nursery rhyme “This Old Man” is a Victorian slang word for a severe beating.

  53. The Kelvin temperature scale, the forsythia plant, Boeing aircraft and the state of Pennsylvania are all named after people called William.

  54. Xenoglossy is the apparent ability to speak a language that you’ve never actually learned.

  55. Mochas are named after a port in Yemen, from where coffee was exported to Europe in the 18th century.

  56. In mediaeval Europe, a moment was precisely 1/40th of an hour, or 90 seconds.

  57. To quomodocunquize means “to make money by whatever means possible.”

  58. Porpoise literally means “pork-fish.”

  59. Shivviness is an old Yorkshire word for the uncomfortable feeling of wearing new underwear.

  60. The adjectival form of abracadabra is abracadabrant, used to describe anything that has apparently happened by magic.

  61. Straitjackets were originally called strait-waistcoats.

  62. Aspirin and heroin were both originally trademarks. They lost their trademark status as part of the Treaty of Versailles.

  63. An autological word is one that describes itself — like short or unhyphenated.

  64. In the 18th century, teachers were nicknamed “haberdashers of pronouns.”

  65. The burnt or used part of a candlewick is called the snaste.

  66. The expressions “bully pulpit” and “lunatic fringe” were coined by Theodore Roosevelt.


[–] DrunkViking 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Well you are welcome. What about these then?

Here are forty of the things that make English absolutely wonderful

  1. Eleven per cent of the entire English language is just the letter E. Girl umbrella An umbrella can be a very handy ombrifuge.

  2. Psithurism is the sound of the wind rustling through leaves.

  3. An ombrifuge is anything or anywhere that provides shelter from the rain.

  4. The proper name for cutting your own hair is self-tonsorialism.

  5. Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the proper name for an ice-cream headache.

  6. ‘Nice’ originally meant ‘ignorant’ or ‘simple’.

  7. Posing a question and then immediately answering it yourself is called sermocination.

  8. A joke-fellow is someone who you share a joke with.

  9. To bumfiddle means to spoil a piece of paper or invalidate a document by scribbling or drawing on it.

  10. To metagrobolise someone is to utterly confuse them.

  11. The opposite of déjà-vu is jamais-vu — the unnerving feeling that something very familiar is actually completely new.

  12. To quomodocunquize means ‘to make money by whatever means possible.’ Tony Abbott Narendra Modi The leaders of India and Australia famgrapsing a political agreement. Photo: Getty

  13. If you were to write down the name of every English number in order (one, two, three, four…) you wouldn’t use a single letter B until you reached one billion.

  14. Shaking hands with someone in an agreement is called famgrapsing.

  15. There was no word for the colour orange in English until the 16th century.

  16. Dermatoglyphics is the study of fingerprints and skin patterns. It’s also the longest English words comprised entirely of different letters.

  17. Swear words were nicknamed ‘tongue-worms’ in the 1600s.

  18. If the weather has ‘flenched’ then it’s failed to improve even though it looked like it would.

  19. Shivviness is an old Yorkshire word for the uncomfortable feeling of wearing new underwear.

  20. To outbabble someone is to talk over them and drown them out.

  21. In Victorian English, ‘follow-me-lads’ were loose curls of hair hanging over a woman’s shoulders, or loose ribbons on the back of a dress.

  22. The most common adjective in the English language is good. The most common noun is time.

  23. Paraphernalia was originally all of a woman’s possessions that did not automatically become her husband’s property after marriage. Cactus This desert plant is decidedly jaculiferous. Photo: Getty

  24. To exulcerate someone literally means to annoy or irritate them as much as an ulcer would.

  25. Anything described as jaculiferous is covered in prickles.

  26. “The countryside” is an anagram of “no city dust here”.

  27. The deliberate use of old fashioned language in modern writing is called gadzookery.

  28. To cample is to angrily answer back to someone who has just reprimanded you.

  29. A shrug of the shoulders can also be called a hunkle.

  30. An abydocomist is a liar who boasts about the lies they have told.

  31. Samuel Johnson’s Dictionary defined music as “the science of harmonical sounds”.

  32. Cultrivore is the proper name for a sword-swallower.

  33. A cabotin is a bad actor. Cabotinage is bad acting.

  34. Shakespeare used the word armgaunt in ‘Antony & Cleopatra’. No one knows for sure what he wanted it to mean. Adam Sandler Adam Sandler is, arguably, guilty of cabotinage. Photo: AAP

  35. Hogwash is literally kitchen scraps used to feed pigs. The first writer to use it to mean ‘nonsense’ was Mark Twain.

  36. Quantophrenia is an overreliance on statistics to prove a point.

  37. The word noon originally referred to 3pm.

  38. The Scots word hansper means ‘the pain or stiffness in the legs felt after a long walk’.

  39. In Tudor English, a gandermooner was a man who flirted with other women while his wife recovered from childbirth.

  40. As well as being a unit of weight, an ounce is a duration of 7½ seconds.


[–] piratse 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

To be pedantic, quick sand will suck you in faster than normal sand. So it's quick...sand.


[–] 8_billion_eaters 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Actually, quicksand is a condition, not a type of terrain. You have to have an active spring beneath the ground to create it. If you scoop up a bucketful of quicksand, it'll quickly settle into the sand at the bottom with water on top. Now let's talk about the rodents versus the computer input devices. If you have more than one rodent, they're called mice. But if you have more than one input device, they're called mouses. (lol... Voat spell check flagged "mouses", "lol" and "Voat")


[–] NeoGoat 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If you're curious, I'll have you over for dinner


[–] ScreaminMime 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Load in the dishwasher? I've never heard that one before...


[–] JustbecauseIcan 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

So, that litany brings us to, why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?


[–] 12836381? 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Damn, you should write for the 1970's James Bond movies


[–] hungir_strike [S] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

While it's purely a joke, it's probably a good indication as to why I'm single.


[–] ibepokey 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

epic, thanks


[–] Germ22 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 


[–] BlueDrache 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Ouch.... Oh wow, you need to write for George Carlin ...

Oh, wait.


[–] Bolux 1 points -1 points (+0|-1) ago 

How about fuck off twat